Scribbles of a Wanderer

Kung Hei Fat Choi . . Kuha mo?!

2012-01-23T07:37:00.000-08:00

January 23, 2012

Had a great day today spending time with my in-laws. We prepared a simple meal for them during lunch and merienda. It's great to see them having fun with my children and my hubby too. ;) yan mo ko ngh ti

Prep time is also fun and hectic. Pero keri lang. Minsan lang naman eh.

Later in the afternoon after our siesta, pumunta kami ng mall para mamasyal. Ok naman, masaya din. Except I REALLY didn't like the resto where we had our dinner. Ang baho at ang layo pa. Ayoko ng ganun. Eeeewww....

Dapat pala tumingin muna ko sa internet ng pwedeng kainan para naman hindi nakakahiya sa mga in-laws ko. :p

Sometimes I wonder, bakit kaya kapag may ayaw sila na bagay or kahit ano, hindi na lang nila sabihin bluntly na ayaw nila nun or daanin nila sa ibang ways para masabi na hindi nila gusto yung bagay or lugar na yun? Many times kasi napapansin ko sa huli lagi nagbibigay ng side comments. Eh obviously naman na nabahuan dun sa place at naguluhan. OMG! Up to now ba nagkakahiyaan parin kayo ng mama mo ha? I know that you're gonna read this so I'm gonna tell this to you.

1. Please don't bring me/ us (with the kids) to that kind of place anymore. Nakaka-trauma sa totoo lang.

2. I hope you won't ask your parents "Saan nyo gusto?" Give specific places na lang para specifics din yung answer.

3. If may nakita ka na na place, tanungin mo ulit kung ok ba sila dun. Or before hand tanungin mo na yung kapatid mong babae kung ok ba sila mama sa ganung resto.

4. Please don't blame me na matagal akong pumili ng glasses dahil alam mo naman na matagal talaga akong pumili ng kahit ano.

5. Please, I will repeat again! Ayoko ng minamadali ako! Ayoko ng mga hirit na "Sige na para tapos na." Bigyan mo ko ng time! Thank you at ginawan mo ng paraan ang lahat pero ayoko ng pinagsasabay-sabay lahat!!!! Walang natatapos ng maayos. Feeling ko parang gawaing paa lang.

Please if you're reading this let us work things out na walang sumasama ang loob sa huli.

Benefits of a broken laptop

2012-01-18T23:52:00.000-08:00

January 19, 2012

Recently, I haven't been so active on social networking sites, and on any other site for that matter because our laptop got broken. At first it was our globe superstick, and then eventually, sumunod na rin nasira ang laptop namin. Yep, it was my fault again. I accidentally dropped it. Yes folks, that's how careless I am. I am now dropping laptops. . . :-(

When our laptop was getting fixed, I enjoyed more TV. It can be a little boring but it can buy a little time off. So it was ok. Second, I enjoyed more time with the kids, especially with my second child. I could talk to him more, teach him a little more and sleep a little more as well. Now that our laptop is fixed again, it takes so much of my time, since I got a little - ok, a lot excited of being in the net again. I just wish I'm not getting freakishly addictive so I could more rest. :-/

The perfect birthday wish

2012-01-18T21:17:00.000-08:00

12 January 2012

What I am about to share with you happened over a year ago when mom and I are still having some problems. As you have read from my previous blogs, it came to a point wherein I did not care about her anymore. If she gets sick, if a car ran over her, I wouldn't care anymore. I wasn't even sure if I will cry at her funeral. Yep. That's how angry I was.
But that was months ago. What I've failed to mention in my blogs recently is that everything turned out fine with me and mom. (Finally!)
It happened on my birthday June 30th. I was so pissed and stressed because everything is not going the way I planned. I guess you can say that I'm a little bit of a perfectionist since I don't feel too comfortable when everything around the house is a mess especially if there would be en event. I want everything done neatly.
So apart from the unfinished house chores, my yaya back then had chicken pox and so we had to make her rest in her sister's place. In short, injured kami sa house. (injured - in my vocab can also mean kulang sa tao, kaya dadami ang trabaho).
I felt so sorry for myself since it was my birthday and I'm doing my chores. :-( It was a good thing that my mom called up Ian and asked him what my plan was. My mom already made plans to go home early so I could go out on my birthday.
The bad part was, nawalan na ako ng gana mag-plano kung ano gagawin ko sa birthday ko kasi nga it started as a stressful day. It was a good thing that Ian told me what mom had planned for me because I took it as a sign to made amends with her after months of not speaking to her.
So I texted her, apologized, and thanked her because even if I have shouted, cursed, and treated her badly when we were fighting, I felt that she still cares and loves, not only me but my family as well. :-)
Siguro sabi ni Lord, tama na daw ang patampo effect ko at panahon na nga naman para magka-ayos na kami. Haay... natupad na din ang pinapangarap ng asawa ko, more biyaya, este, more peace in the family. (Hehehe! Joke lang labs if you're reading :-p)

S u p e r M o M

2012-01-15T21:29:00.000-08:00

October19, 2011

Satotoo lang, ang hirap maging babae!

Now Iunderstand kung bakit ganun-ganun na lang ang treatment ng mother andfather-in-laws ko sa sister-in-law ko. She’s older than me by a few months butwe were born the same year. When she was younger, they would always treat herlike a princess. All her other brothers have assigned chores to do in the housewhile she sits and relax – this is the part where my husband starts debatingthe rules of their parents. My husband would say, “Bakit siya walang ginagawa?Dapat fair.” And my mother-in-law would say, “Hayaan mo na siya, babae siya eh.”

Before I thought that this kind ofreasoning was absurd. Yun pala, my mother-in-law turned out to be right. You see,when I was younger, I didn’t realize that when you would have a daughter, youshould take extra good care of her because in the future, she would be amother, a friend, a wife, an employee all at the same time. Kaya habangmapagbibigyan at maalagaan mo ang anak mong babae, alagaan at pagbigyan mosiya.

The reasonI shared this story to you guys is because today, I literally felt like asupermom. I took care of my kids, fed them, played with them, managed thechores in the house, fix and clean things, etc. I had a time of rest, but bythe afternoon, I thought I’d clean up the ref first. Then, I got disappointedbecause while I cleaned the ref, I got little time and energy left to finisharranging the clothes in our cabinet. And then my 2 year old was screaming! So Itook my cigarette and had a little break. After I had my yosi break, I was soproud of myself for having cleaned my husband’s closet! Yes! Three cabinets,two drawers and one room to go!

Whennight time came, I was too tired and asked my husband to help me teach oureldest because he will be having his exams tomorrow. So he did that, and then hewas able to feed our 2 year old (Yay!). I slept for a couple of minutes because I was too exhausted to doanything. But then, I was able to get up, have another yosi break, took a bathand started blogging. Ergo – feeling supermom. :p

Dad’s birthday... and past

2011-10-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

October 17, 2011

A fewdays from now, it’s going to be my dad’s birthday. He’s a little worriedthough. But I wish he would have a great one.

When Iwas younger, I used to visit my dad’s place. That’s the fruit of havingseparated parents. You get to visit lots of houses. :/ Anyway, back then, hehad a relationship with a woman named Narsie. Narsie was cruel to me.

Mydad’s place was a compound so our other relatives live in the same area. Iremember when I was at my cousins’ house, I was just waiting for Narsie to goto sleep. Finally, when I was about to open our door, she immediately ran upand locked it again. So I opened it. And then she locked it again. And then Iopened it again. And she locked it again. Finally, I was so angry I screamed,“Dad!”! That was the time I got to open the door. When I opened it, she wasjust staring at me like a monster.

I wentto my room and she just started texting me nasty things about my dad. I hatedher. In the end, I ended up crying and begging her to stop her cruel ways andmade amends. Ang bait ko noh? Actually, I don’t know what came up to me thatnight. Basta gusto ko na lang makipag-ayos.

Marami pang times na nangyari nabumabati ako sa kanya pero dedma lang siya. Bastos! Walang modo. Walangpinag-aralan. Utak langgam. Yes, bitter talaga ko!

Maybe some of you are thinking why Ican’t let go of my past? If I am happy and contended with my life now, whyshould I bother stressing about the horrible things that happened when I wasyounger? Well, my answer is precisely that. I am now happy and contended withmy life as I fulfil my role as a mother and wife. So why in hell should I letsomeone ruin my peaceful life? This is not a time to ask questions. This is thetime to fight and win, to protect what is yours and not let anyone ruin whatyou have built and dreamt for 12 years. A happy family.

So if ever magkita kami, isa langang masasabi ko… Ang ganda mo! Pak! Bwahahaha!

No, that’s not what I really intendto say… I’m just kidding guys. Basta, be ready for world war 3! Hmph!

Sulit ba ang 4k mo?!

2011-10-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

October 6, 2011

Sa panahon ngayon, hindi na puwede ang masarap na mahirap.Siguro ang iba sa inyo maaring may mga pagkakataon na puwede mo pa masabi na masarap at mahirap ang ginagawaniyo sa buhay niyo. Pero in cold, harsh reality, kapag walang pera, mahirap!

Korek!

Ang pera nga naman, mahirap kitain ngunit mahirap dinpatagalin sa mga kamay mo. Minsan nga hindi pa tumatagal eh. Ang bad trip padun, it’s like you’re not getting what’s your money’s worth. Hindi sulit.Pagkain nagmahal, gamot nagmahal, edukasyon, damit, transpo, ultimopagseserbisyo nagmahal. Mahal na ang pagtitip sa mga carwash, barbero, salon,bagger at kung anu-ano pa. Kapag binigyan mo ng bente, inis pa sa’yo. Angdating pa insulto. Haay nako ang mga tao talaga…

Pati mga kasambahay ang dami na din demands. Imbyerna! Uboskwarta.

I have 3 helpers at home. 1 boy and 2 manangs. Hindi ko silalahat maasahan sa pag-aalaga ng mga kids ko. Ayaw nila mag-alaga. Gusto nilalahat gawaing bahay. It’s like I’m paying all of them to clean the house andI’m the one left with the kids. It’s exhausting. It’s fun, but at times it’s really exhausting. Yung tipong sasobrang pagod mo, matutulog ka na lang.

Ok lang naman sakin mag-alaga ng mga bata. I like it nga eh.I can say that I’m good with my kids. But sometimes, I can’t help but think,that I’m paying all my helpers P11,000 per month and I’m still f*ing tired!!!

Hindi ko keri! 11K??!!!! Hindi ba dapat humihilata na lang ako nun? Eh sasobrang kabadtripan pa nga, nakuha ko pa itong i-blog! OMG talga!!!

My husband and my mom said, now that the kids are stillyoung, we should treat our helpers as investments. Kasi nga these days, findinggood help is like finding a needle in a haysack. Haaay buhay…. :/

Mall Tour (Part II)

2011-09-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ang pangalawang mall tour ko,kasama ko yung friend ko. Engaged na siya and we decided to meet up at the mallto have lunch together and to catch up. Besides, ring bearer ang eldest ko sawedding niya kaya keri lang.

Asusual, late na naman ako so my friend decided to buy some things muna beforemeeting me at a restaurant. Finally, we saw each other and made super chika tothe max. :-D Actually, a few dates before our meet-up, nagpa-practice na ko ngmga ichi-chika at mga sasabihin. Haha! Rehearsal daw :-P Yes mattress! Talagangnag-practice ako, because I know this is my chance to express myself or moreappropriately, to explain myself why I acted so mean and tactless back when Iwas in college, or even back before I got kids.

As youcan see in my past blogs, maldita talaga ang lola mo. Of course malaking factorna diyan ang upbringing and outlook in life kaya ngayon namarami-rami akong time na mag muni-muni at ngayong tumatanda na ko, I am slowlyrealizing (talagang slowly?? Chuckie! :p) that I was really mean back then.Mayabang na wala namang alam, alam mo yun? Haha! Ewan ko, basta ganun yungkinalakihan ko kaya ganun din ako umakto.

Soanyway, going back to my story, I was able naman to let my college friend knowthat I have changed for the better. I have achieved my goal to make her realizethat I am now a changed person and in-short, bumait na ko. Hahaha!

Aftersome more chika, I have noticed too that I know very little about my friend’slife and family. Hindi naman sa nakiki-usi pero kasi, kaya nga friend mo di ba?It’s a little bit weird if you don’t even know a little about her family, herlife and her friends. That’s another thing I have noticed about myself when Iwas younger. I seldom ask my “friends” how they really are and how’s lifetreating them. I was so busy whining about my life that I didn’t think thatthey’re life is as important as mine. And yes, I have quoted the word “friends”because I was thinking that how can you be with friends with someone that youknow so little about? Right? Eh di acquaintances lang dapat kayo? Or moviebuddy? Or drinking buddy? Or chika buddy (if there’s such a thing)? Hahahaha!

Mall Tour (Part I)

2011-08-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

February - March 2010 entry

Last week, I toured around the mall by myself – ergo, mall tour… hehehe! Wala lang, gusto ko lang magkaroon ng break. Actually, dala ng sobrang pag-kainip sa paghihintay magkaroon ng internet connection, at boredome kaya ako ng-mall mag-isa. Si Siel, ung friend ko, nawi-weridohan sa akin kasi paano ko daw nagagawang mag-mall o manood ng sine na nag-iisa. Sagot ko naman, “Hindi mo pa ba ngagawa yun? Sarap kaya.” Oo, masarap. Lalo na pag mga tipong Drag Me to Hell ang pinapanood mo. Haha! Isang malaking joke! Hindi ko ata kaya yun mag-isa. The thought of it just can’t make me sleep.

Nagsususukat ako ng mga damit nung nag-mall tour ako. I never realized na ang laki na pala ng nilaki ko. Malaki na din naman ang pinayat ko pero malaki pa rin ako kumpara sa pre-pregnancy state. Nakakahiya dahil lagi na lang ikinukuha ng saleslady yung size ko sa stockroom. Ang dami kong pinapagod. Wahahaha! Eh ano naman? Para ma-exercise kayong mga saleslady kayo, maghanap kayo ng size ko! Wahahaha!

Mas lalo akong naawa sa sarili ko lalo na nung nag-try ako ng ab-rocket. May bumibiling ale nun tapos parang gusto ko din i-try. Nung sinubukan ko, hindi na ko umangat! Wahahaha… Nakakatawa talga.

After coming into a realization that my body was transforming from an amazing gazelle, into a fatty little hippo, I’ve come up with a plan to stop the transformation in progress. Milk. Yes, milk. I’m going to drink lots and lots of milk so that it will increase the amount of milk in my mammary glands and I will eventually resume breastfeeding because that is the quickest and fastest way to get thinner, besides exercise.

Who's to blame?

2011-08-11T01:54:00.000-07:00

February - March 2010 entry

Siguro nga hindi ko dapat isisi lahat ng nangyari sa mommy ko. Siguro dapat yung nanay-nanayan niya ang sisihin naming lahat! Yung lola ko ngayon, step-mom lang yun ni mommy (So, I’ll label her my step-lola). Yung tunay na lola ko, my lola Julieta came from a prominent family in Bulacan. Tapos, as I was told, my lolo was the driver of my lola’s family. Ayun, nagka-inlaban sila tapos one thing led to another, hanggang sa ipinasok ng great grandfather ko ang lolo ko sa Meralco noon. Then, my lolo and lola had four children, all of them were girls. My mom was the second child. My lola Julieta died after giving birth to my aunt which was their fourth child. After that, my lolo became a spinster. He then met a canteen lady at school, and they eventually got married. Her name is Viola. She became the step-mom of my mother.

My mom never told me anything about how she was raised, or how they were talked to as a child. Not until I was in my early twenties that I found out that my step-lola made my mom’s childhood and her sisters’ life, a living hell. They became my step-lola’s slaves. They cleaned the house, made food, etc. In short, katulong. Siguro kaya ganoon na lang din ang pag-alaga ni mommy sa mga katulong kasi baka nakikita niya yung sarili niya noon sa mga helpers.

Malupit na step-mom si lola Viola. Yung mga kuya ko sabi nga nila, evil step-mom daw talaga si lola Viola noon. May one time pa daw, pinilit lumayas ng mga mommy namin nung nasa gradeschool pa sila. Kaya lang parang nahuli ata sila tapos pinabalik sila sa bahay at pinagpapalo.

In short, hindi naranasan ng nanay ko ang isang tunay na pagmamahal ng isang ina. Kaya ngayon, ako naman ang nagbabayad. Pati mga pinsan ko ganoon din. Sinasabihan kami ng mga malulupit na salita kapag ngagalit ang mga nanay namin sa amin. Ako, binato ako ng mineral bottle water ni mommy noon. Tapos, binabagsakan ng telepono kapag nag-aaway kami sa phone at minsan it will end up in name calling.

Tama!

Si Viola nga ang dapat sisihin! Kung hindi ganoon ang pagtrato niya sa nanay at mga tita ko, hindi din siguro ganoon ang pagtrato ng mga nanay naming sa amin.

For the longest time, ang tagal tagal ko inisip kung ano ba ang mga pagkakamali ko at bakit ganoon na lang ako tratuhin ni mommy. Yun pala, hindi niya naranasan kung papaano mag-aruga ang isang ina sa anak. Kasi nga, dahil sa pagmamaltrato sa kanila ng step-lola namin.

Of course, in any situation that life might put us through, in the end, we still have a choice. And I think, that that was my mistake. I had a choice, but I chose to live a miserable and negative life. A life full of sadness, regret and pessimistic outlook.

To everyone or anyone reading this, let it always be a lesson to us that life, whether your situation favours you or not, you still have a choice and it is always up to you, how you will live your life to the fullest.

Getting to know you..rself (Part III - The unhealable wound)

2011-08-10T00:37:00.000-07:00

February - March 2010 entry

Malalim ang sugat ng pag-aaway namin ni mommy. I blamed her for everything that happened between her and dad. Para sa akin kasi, siya ang may kasalanan ng lahat. Siya ang may mali, siya ang dahilan, siya lahat. And I didn’t want to be with her! I hated her! Literally! I never want to understand what happened, I just wanted to blame her, and I just want to hate her. Gusto kong sumama sa daddy ko pero sabi niya kay mommy na lang daw ako. Mahirap talaga pilitin ang isang bagay kung hindi na talaga puwede.

Yes, I am an ungrateful brat. But the best part of it is that I finally got to express it. To admit to myself that yes, I was angry. But because I was angry the whole time, I got so busy getting angry that I literally forgot to live my life. All I did was complain and negate everything. Wala akong ginawa nun kung hindi sumimangot. Galit na galit sakin ang mommy ko dahil puros simangot na lang daw ang ginawa ko. Papano wala naman kasi ako mapagsabihan ng problema at hindi nga ako na-train magsalita masyado kaya tumatahimik na lang ako kapag galit na ko. Pagkikimkim ng nararamdaman ang umiral sa akin. Tapos, sinundan ng paghihiganti. My heart was one heavy, mysterious, confused and dark heart. In short, maitim ang budhi ko nun. Haha!

I was not a bad person, I just felt really, really bad about everything, about myself, and about the fact that the world kept moving on and that it failed to notice me. It failed to ask me how I felt and why I felt that way. I didn’t know that it wasn’t supposed to do that. Ako ang talo dahil nahuli ako sa pagsunod sa agos ng buhay.

Nung umaga na papasok ako sa school pagkatapos mag-alsabalutan ang daddy ko, takang-taka ko sa mundo. Tanong ko sa sarili ko, anong ginagawa niyo (mga tao)? May nangyari sa akin na hindi maganda, hindi niyo ba ko tatanungin kung ano ito? I failed to see that I shouldn’t be demanding. I failed to see that there is still life and hope for me, maybe not for my family to be whole again, but there is something for me, so I should not have been so miserable. I failed to see the brighter and lighter side of life. I failed in struggling to be happy. It’s like I never tried being happy. And I regret that extremely because it’s like I initially gave up on myself.

Hindi kasi ako na-train maging optimistic. Unang-una ang nanay ko sa sobrang ka-praningan na ina, paranoid na at puro fears, at doubts ang pinapairal. Bukod pa doon, ang hirap – hirap mag-open up sa kanya.

Kung hindi ka papagalitan, lalaitin ka, ang mga ginagawa mo, kung

paano ka mag-isip at kung paano ka gumawa. Eh pano naman ang confidence level mo nun diba?

Eksampol:

Bata: Ma… may tumutukso kasi sakin sa school.

Nanay: Anong ginagawa nila?

Bata: Tinatawag nila ko ng kung anu-ano…

Nanay: Eh ikaw naman kasi eh, bakit ka ba ganun kumilos? Siguro ganun ka nga, hindi mo kasi ayusin yung kilos at galaw mo!

P.I.!!!! Isang malaki at nag-uumapaw na P.I.!!!! Ganyan ba ang isang statement ng isang C.P.A., Cum Laude at Manager ng isang kumpanya? Nakakahiya!

Ganito ang ilan sa mga pag-uusap namin ng nanay ko. Bastusan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi na nabago ang ganun naming pag-uusap. Kaya’t madalas ay nag-aaway kami. Ngayon naiisip ko, bakit ko ba kailangang respetuhin ang isang tao na panay ang pambabara, panlalait at pag-tapak sa pagkatao ko? Katarantaduhan ata yun. No matter what I do, it will never be enough. And she will never be satisfied. If I do something right, she never bothered to encourage and praise the right things that I did. All she cared about was that I have done so many “wrong things” and that she did not have any “Consuelo” to me being her daughter.

Wrong things ka diyan, eh ako nga lang ang unang apo na nakatapos ng pag-aaral sa mother side namin. Yung mga kuya ko, hiwalay din ang magulang, nag-enjoy sa pagkabinata, tapos nasobrahan sa pag-eenjoy, hindi na nakatapos. Ako, kahit nabuntis ako nung 4^th year college ako, nakatapos pa rin ako. Yun ba na-appreciate ng nanay ko? HINDE. Kasi nga hindi siya marunong maging isang mabuting ina. Puro siya reklamo at lahat ng mali kong ginagawa, yun ang pinangangalandakan niya sa mga tao. Akala mo naman napaka perfect niya.

Getting to know you..rself (Part II – Family history)

2011-08-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

February 2010 entry

Kaugaliang pagiging taklesa ang kinalakihan ko. Kung nasa showbiz siguro ako ok yun kasi diba lagi nilang sinasabi na magpakatotoo ka. Eh si Kris Aquino nga diba? She says and does whatever she likes, no matter what. And the weird thing about it is, people accepts her for who she is. At ang pinaka panalo pa dun, they like her that way. Kung kay Kris Aquino effective yung ganung style, bakit sakin hindi? Pareho naman kami ng ginagawa pero bakit siya nilalapitan siya ng mga tao? Ako nilalayuan? Haha! Ganun talaga siguro kapag common tao ka lang. Dapat ikaw ang nakikisabay hindi ikaw ang sinasabayan.

Namana ko ng konti (konti lang naman) ang pagiging ka-taklesahan ko sa nanay ko.

Ang comedy side ko naman sa daddy ko. Typical father kasi si Dad. Tahimik lang. Hindi confrontational sa mga bagay-bagay para iwas gulo. Play safe ba. Pero ang pinaka malaking pagkakamali niya ay hindi niya nakilalang mabuti si Mommy nung pinakasalan niya (ang part na ito ay “in-theory” ko lang as I decipher what really happened to my parents’ marriage). Hindi rin naman kami masyadong magkakilala ng asawa ko nung kinasal kami pero I think we allowed the love that we felt to grow at committed kami pareho to build a happy home kaya nagkakasundo kami.

Magkaibang – magkaiba ang panahon nila noon kumpara sa panahon namin

ngayon. Katulad ng agwat ng aming mga kapanauhunan, magkaibang – magkaiba rin si daddy at mommy sa pag-uugali. Sa tingin ko pareho silang hindi marunong makipag – usap sa isa’t isa at pati sa akin. Minsan pag may issue, hinahayaan na lang nilang mamatay ito. Kaya tuloy naiipon. Tapos kapag puno na sila pareho, sasabog na sila. Eh di kagulo na.

Hindi ma-control ni daddy si mommy at si mommy naman, minsan unreasonable at mahilig sa walk-out. Boss kasi ng kumpanya kaya pati sa bahay boss din. At kami naman ni dad ang mga tauhan niya. Oo tauhan. Tauhan kami tratuhin. Oo responsible naman siyang ina. Pero hindi niya kami makausap ng maayos. At dapat lahat ng utos niya gagawin namin agad. Ayaw nila pareho ng pagbabago. Kapag may pagbabago, hirap sila mag-adapt at mag deal properly sa pagbabago na iyon. Hindi ko rin alam kung naiintindihan nila ang roles nila bilang mga magulang at mag-asawa. Basta ang alam ko lang, hindi sila ok mag-usap, hindi naman sila nag-aaway madalas pero lagi lang silang tahimik, civil o passive. Wala silang lambingan, walang sweetness, at madalas si dad hindi na lang kumikibo pag nang-iimbyerna na naman si mommy.

“Mas malaki ang sweldo ko sa daddy mo” – Iyan ang sabi ni mommy sa akin kaya daw hindi maka-imik si daddy sa kanya. Ano ba namang pananalita at pag-rarason yan? Ganyan ba ang isang CPA, Cum Laude at Manager mag-isip, magsalita o mag-rason? Nag-aral ka pa! Kung sino pa yung mas mataas ang pinag-aralan, yun pa ang matapobre!

Getting to know you..rself (Part I – Self-image)

2011-08-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

February 2010 entry

Masarap din minsan kapag wala kang trabaho. Unti-unti mong nakikilalang muli ang sarili mo. When I was in my teens, ang yabang yabang ko nun. Akala ko kilala ko na ang sarili ko. Akala ko wala akong ginagawang mali at akala ko perfect ako. Haha!

Mali pala. Nasanay kasi ako sa environment kung saan nararapat mong sabihin kung ano ang nararamdaman mo. Kahit anong okasyon, kahit san, kahit sino ang kausap ko, go lang ako ng go. Hindi ko iniisip kung mabuti o masama ang nasasabi ko at kung nakakasakit ako ng tao. Wala lang. Basta masabi ko lang yung gusto kong sabihin. In short, maldita ko nun. Haha!

Ganun din kasi makipagusap sakin ang mommy at daddy ko. Pagalit, prangka, tactless. Hindi rin nila naiisip na nasasaktan na ko. At kapag tumatahimik na ako at nagtatampo na, wala pa akong karapatan magalit dahil anak lang daw ako. Oo marami akong hang-ups or issues about my childhood and throughout my teenage years. Yung husband ko kasi ngayon, sa kanya ko nakita ang tamang pakikipag-usap, tamang gestures, tamang gawa. Yung mga in-laws ko kasi ganun din. Kaya nakakahiya naman kung mag maldi-maldita pa rin ang asal ko. Baka advice-an pa ng mga in-laws ko na makipaghiwalay na sakin ang asawa ko. Saka gusto ko naman ma-realize nila kahit papano na in good hands yung asawa ko sakin. At sana ma-feel din yun ng asawa ko. J

Ang Bus

2011-08-04T02:06:00.000-07:00

February 19, 2011 entry

News – Paulit- ulit na lang. Sari-saring pagsabog ng kung anu-ano, nakawan, patayan, lokohan, lamangan, sakiman. Hanggang kelan ba to matatapos?

Naghihintay ako ngayon makaalis ang bus galing Southmall pauwi sa amin. Ok naman ang araw ko. Kahit nagsimula ng hindi maganda, kahit papano, maayos naman nagtapos.

Nakalabas na kami ng SM. Traffic as usual sa Alabang-Zapote. Papano, may ginagawa ang Maynilad at saka Sabado kasi.

Sinisipag ako magsulat ngayon. Ako lang kasi

ang bumyahe. Naiwan sa bahay ang asawa ko at kambal namin. Masarap din bumyahe ng walang inaasikasong bata paminsan. Wala kang iniintindi, wala kang inaalala, wala kang inaalagaan kundi sarili mo lang. Nakakamiss din. Pano only child lang ako, at kaunti lang din ang close friends ko kaya madalas nung teenager ako, sarili ko lang ang iniintindi ko.

Hindi sanay ang asawa ko sa mga pag-alis ko na ganito. Para sa kanya, solo-ista daw ako. Pinalaki kasi yun na laging magkakasama silang magkakapatid kahit san sila magpunta. Apat silang lalake at isang babae. Ang mama at papa niya, nung mag-asawa na, kahit san magpunta at kahit anong gawin, laging magkasama. Kaya pag gusto ko umalis ng mag-isa ko, nawiwirdohan sa akin asawa ko. Kulang na lang sabihin niya sakim ako.

Madalas kasi banggitin ng asawa ko sakin na yung nanay at tatay niya laging magkasama kahit san sila magpunta. Bakit daw ako, gusto kong mag-solo. Eh ano naman kung mag-solo ako? Kailangan ko din naman yun para maiba naman ang environment na ginagalawan ko. Lagi na nga ako sa bahay, pagkakait pa niya yung time ko for myself? Ang chuckie ah!

Gusto kong umalis mag-isa para makapag-recharge ako. Sa bahay lang kasi ako ngayon. Inaalagaan ko yung kambal naming babae at lalake. Hindi na ko madalas umalis. Ang mga friends ko naglo-law. Yung iba naghihintay ng results ng bar exams. Malayo din kasi sila sa amin at mostly nakakalabas sila sa QC. Eh malayo samin yun kaya minsan hindi na ko nakakasama. Kaya kapag nabo-bore na ko dito sa bahay since wala pa kaming internet, hinihiling ko sa asawa ko na aalis muna ko. Day-off ba. Haha! Parang katulong talaga.

Ang mga lalake daw kailangan ng “recreation” tulad ng sports, inuman, yung iba babae, at sugal. So ako, yun ang recreation ko, dahil kailangan ko din mag-recharge. Buti pa nga ang mga yaya may day-off every month eh. Ang nanay, kung kelan libre si mister. At dapat, bago ka pa umalis ng bahay para mag-relax, dapat ayos mo muna ang lahat. Susmaryosep! Ang ka-martiran nga naman ng pagiging ina.

Sabi ni Anthony Pangilinan sa ANC Headstart with Karen Davila, he and Maricel give each other space or separation time for themselves and they’re both ok with that too. Why are they ok with that, you might ask? It is because you don’t only find joy with your husband and children, you also find joy in things that you enjoy doing whether it be with your family, with friends or with yourself. (Tama!)

Andito na ko sa bahay. Mabilis lang ang biyahe. Kung walang nag-eembudo na mga bus paglabas ng SM, 15 minutes nasa bahay ka na. Kaso mahal ang mag-tricycle. Php 25 kapag sa kabilang gate ka pumasok. Ganun siguro talaga sa village. Mas matatagalan pa kasi ako kung sa main gate ako papasok at mahaba din ang pila dun.

Wala dito ang panganay at pangalawa kong anak. Namasyal kasama ng Nanay nila – Mommy ko yun. Ayaw kasi magpatawag ng Lola kaya Nanay na lang.

Sa totoo lang, medyo na-depres ako ngayon. Naging “all sizes fit” na kasi ang katawan ko. Naranasan ko na ang maging small (– nung bata-bata pa ako), medium (nung nabuntis ako ng first and second trimester), at ngayon large naman (nung naging kabuwanan ko na sa twins ko, hanggang ngayon). Malaking wake-up call para sa akin na dapat bantayan ko ang diet ko. Naalala ko dati, may nag-survey sa akin at ang lumabas, last daw sa mga priorities ko ang health ko. Well… dapat nga baguhin ko na ang diet ko habang maaga pa. Nabasa ko nga sa internet na children depend mostly on their parents that’s why parents should take care of themselves

(Child to parent: Be healthy. I need you.)

Almost caught....

2010-08-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

There are seven of us in the house. Me, my husband, my mom , two yayas, a boy and a driver. Each of our household help has his own room except for the yayas who share a room. Plus two kids. Our electric bill never goes lower than Php 6,000. What can I say? Kids need comfort and parents as well. So sometimes, we turn on the air condition for the whole night. This month our bill is up to Php 9,000 again. My husband urged us to save electricity so now if its not that hot, we just turn on the fans.

Last night I caught my yayas that their radio was still on while they were sleeping. Their light near the closet was also turned on. It’s a good thing I tell them not to lock the door so I went in and turned off the light and radio.

Meanwhile, while I was searching for food downstairs, I heard that our driver’s TV was also turned on while he was sleeping. Silently (I hope I was silent enough), I walked-in at our driver’s room and hurried up to reach the off button of his TV. He was in his undies and I sort of felt embarrassed about doing this whole fiasco. But then again, I was succeeded only in turning off the TV, not knowing if he was really asleep or not, and not knowing the consequences of my actions.

Miss Misinformed

2010-08-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

Oh my, what a not so guilt-free day!

In my country, they say we Filipinos are very business minded people. Whatever product or service we can offer, we sell them just so we can have the means to feed our families. We sacrifice the time we spent with our children just so we can work abroad as maids or chauffers in order to fulfil the needs of our families, even the needs of our other relatives. Some resort to begging, and I despise nothing more than the parents of young children begging on the streets. The danger that these children face at the roads makes me wonder what kind of parent would send his/her son/daughter to work and beg at the streets? I know… irresponsible ones…

Some children have been lost and found and some say numerous organizations are taking lost kids and making them live like beggars on the streets. I still feel a parent is irresponsible if he/she lost their kid. In the end, somehow the parents still stand on being responsible to whatever happens to their children.

A friend of mine felt really guilty when she forgot to cut her son’s nails on the first day of school. That was even when her son reminded her to cut his nails before school starts. She couldn’t get over it and she felt really guilty. I wonder if the parents of those children who beg on the streets even know the feeling of guilt.
Speaking of guilt, unlike my friend, I did not forget to cut the nails of my son. I forgot to buy him a costume for their Linggo ng Wika celebration. :( To think that I was very pleased with myself because I thought our day’s going to be good… I helped my kids eat breakfast, have the maids clean our room and wash our clothes. I even called our driver to pick us up five minutes before 11 o’clock so that we would make it. When we arrived, I told myself, thank God we made it. But oh, we made it alright… only to find out that my son was the only one not wearing a Filipino inspired costume :( I was in shock, I panicked, and I thought to myself if I would let my son be the only one without a costume. By the way, yesterday, I accidentally brought food which was supposed to be brought today. :( Now I don’t feel any different from those parents who let their children beg on the streets.

So to solve this problem, what I did was the ONLY thing that I could think of doing at that time, and that was not to let my son be humiliated. Yes, it was stupid, irresponsible and was a waste of money. My son has already incurred a lot of absences so not going to school would not be an option… as a result, we headed off to the mall. We went back home first, because I made some phone calls to our credit card. After that, I changed him, and we went to the mall and found him a great Muslim costume. I also bought him a pair of slippers and a sword. Only the slippers and the sword were cheap. After our little rush trip to the mall, we hurried back at school, and because we’re hurrying, my son tripped, fell on his knees and made a hole on his Muslim pants. !@#$%@!!>
I don’t really know if I’m supposed to brag about his costume… I just don’t want him to parade in his uniform. :( Oh, also, I gave smaller dosage of his medicine for his cough that’s why his cough lasted for a week and more. (Now that I remember, I completely forgot to give him medicine an hour ago.) Now I feel worse. :( What I’m certain is that I’ve really learned A VERY VALUABLE LESSON HERE. AND I VOW NEVER TO BE MISINFORMED AND BE FORGETFUL
AGAIN.

This means war

2010-07-09T02:07:00.000-07:00

Wednesday

May 19, 2010

Today is our fifth year and seventh month anniversary as a couple. I just hope he remembers. I wish I could tell him, I love him, and that I long for his kiss. It’s just that sometimes, he does things that annoy me. Recently, he spent the last weekend with his friend, she’s a lawyer as well and they went in the same law school and they also had the same review classes when they were still taking the bar. I don’t know how much this girl knows about me but it really does bother me when my husband goes out with her. It was Friday night and they went out because one of their friend’s family member died due to election violence. After that night, he was masungit to me all week! And I don’t know why. Now what am I supposed to think and feel huh? Is he expecting me to just let it go, is he trying to find a way to turn things around and make it look like its my fault? Hmph! Well, he’s not gonna be lucky this time. It’s alright, I’m ready with what I have to say to him, so bring it on hubby! And curse that bitch that’s been flirting around you!

To be or to be in denial...

2010-07-09T01:45:00.000-07:00

May 18, 2010 Entry

I just have 22 times left to open up our new Windows Vista, unless I enter the correct 25-character product key, which I couldn’t find. As I search for directions on how to activate my product without the messy and annoying pop-up window that’s been prompting me, I discovered that there are endless numbers written on the cd case, and at the computer case-box, which further led to my confusion on what number-key should I type in the dialog box.

So as to not waste time on imprinting my amazing thoughts, why won’t I use this time to practice my writing as well as my brain cells, in telling the details of what happened during my day.

Sleepy head, I have become recently. I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not. I’m afraid to take the test because I’m afraid to tell the whole world. The last time I told everyone, it wasn’t a successful one. So right now I’m split in between. I had a week of blood spots 2 weeks ago, so I don’t know what exactly that means. I’m scared of what will happen. I’m just a little glad that my body doesn’t crave so much nicotine these past few days, so that helps a little. What my body craves for is sleep, sleep, sleep. It’s just like my pregnancy with my eldest. All I do is sleep and if I’m sleep deprived, I get very cranky. ;-)

Blogskins . . .

2010-02-11T00:21:00.000-08:00

Have been making changes to my blog lately so I went to this site wherein I could use or borrow other blog templates. I didn't realize it was going to need some extra effort in arranging the tags, and layouts of your page. I suddenly got headaches. . . Ouch!

I've stumbled kasi upon another blog, but she's not in blog spot. I think she has her own domain and her layout is pretty impressive for me. The design is so relaxing and the picture of the sensuous coffee on the left top corner was so appealing. Well, this is her site www.thammiesy.com. I've also added it to my links section. I still can't upload her blog's design here because my head is still hurting from all the html codes.

I enjoy reading her blogs because I can really relate to it and it is very enlightening and inspiring as well. For those of you who just wants to read feel-good blogs, just visit her and her husband's site: www.thammiesy.com and www.dennissy.com.

Lost and . . . uhm, ano nga ulit yun?

2010-02-09T04:30:00.000-08:00

When I was pregnant with my second child, my eldest and I went out a couple of times, playing at the arcade, shopping for his baby brother's need, and just simply having fun. We usually go at Trinoma because it used to be ten minutes away from our place. We usually go at weekdays because it's less crowded.

One time, while we were waiting for my husband, my son and I hanged around the food court for a little while and ate some snacks. Just then, little 'ol forgetful me, lost my kid's bag. Huhu.. :,-(
So I went to the customer service area to report my lost bag. When we were on our way there, I asked a couple of people around from where we were if they have seen a small kid's bag with a picture of a red car on it (it was Lightning Mcqueen from the Disney's movie "Cars").

The funny thing was when I ask some people around, they're reply is, "Anong laman?" Like, duhh?? Aren't you supposed to ask me where I lost it, or what does it look like? Not what's inside it, right?

I was getting pissed, so when I asked one of the ligpit boys (yung mga nagliligpit ng napagkainan) if they have seen a kid's bag, and when I got another dumb reply, I answered, "Ang laman, ginto, pilak, namumulaklak." Ha ha! Rude ba? Sabay bawi, "'Di joke lang." ;-)

Another example: One time, when we were still living at my dad's place, my mom called us and told us that nilooban daw yung house niya. So after the details, she did the same thing I did and asked our neighbors around if they have seen anyone climbing our gates and slashing the locks of our house away. "So anong sabi nila ma?", I asked. "Wala daw sila nakita, tapos tinatanong nila kung ano daw ba ang nanakaw o nawala sa bahay," my mom replied. Geesh! Unbelievable people! I mean, would it help us all if you would know what's inside my lost bag? Or would help us more to catch the criminal who went inside my mom's house if you chismosas knew that some our valuables are missing?! I mean, seriously. . . Wala na ba kayong ibang matanong? Hindi ba dapat the right questions are, "Kelan nangyari?", "Anong araw o oras nangyari?", "May tao ba dun sa bahay noong nangyari ito?" Hindi yung, "May nawala ba?" ??!!! Di ba?

Wala lang, I just find the dumb questions unhelpful, stupid and inquisitive (in short, nakikiusi!)

Haay . . . sa bagay, that's life eh. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. And when you lose, you get stupid questions like the ones I mentioned above. Ha ha! Just kidding ;-)

The moral here people is that, don't be negligent of your belongings, buy a house alarm system (Ha ha, exagg!). Okay, if that's not possible, just hope and pray that everything will turn out just fine. And finally, no more dumb questions alright? Peace! ;-)

A Promising Pamana (Part 2)

2010-01-14T21:01:00.000-08:00

Since we moved back at my mom's place, I kept on remembering my teenage years and how horrible I was before I became a parent. I was miserable, pessimistic, pathetic, and I really had low self-esteem back then. Remember Marlin from Disney's Finding Nemo? Yes, I was a Marlin like my mom and my husband was well, just a little bit like Dory (minus the short-term memory loss - which turned out to most likely reflect me after I gave birth to my eldest). He's (my husband) a little bit of a happy-go-lucky person, he enjoys and savors each moment like it's his last, has a simple and happy outlook in life, and looks for solutions to problems rather than whine (which makes me the total opposite, Ha ha!).

My mom and I we shared the same Marlin attitude (whiner, nagger, fearful and paranoid). Our mother-daughter relationship has had many ups but mostly downs. I could never understand her, what she did, and I'm sure there are still a lot of things she would do that I won't understand. But because she's my mom, and because I want to save our relationship, I would accept her as who and what she is because I love her. However, I think this is going to take long unless she opens up to me once in a while. We are very different people. Now that I am a parent myself, I see some of her in me, but I also see a lot of gaps and indifference we both have for each other. Oh yes, we had issues. . . and we still have them up to this day. Sometimes we just let the issues die down and move on with our lives and not talk about it. But when we're both all boiled up inside, ayun na! Everything just flies out of our mouths. Sumbatan to the blues.

For a more clearer description of what our relationship is like, you can watch the newest teleserye of ABS at prime time, where Kim and Gerald stars in. The relationship of Celine and Gwen perfectly mirrors my relationship with my mom and sometimes I thought this is the one thing I will never do to my kids. As much as possible, I want to learn how to trust them, understand them, support them, and nurture them with all the love and care that they need. I don't and I refuse to be the "praning" mom, the overprotective mom, the nagging mom, the discouraging mom, the negative-thinker mom, and most especially, I will not allow myself to be the mom who humiliates her children in public.

Thanks to my husband and my mother-in-law, I've realized that change for the better is good than no change at all. After all, change is the only constant thing in this world right?

When I ponder and look back at myself before I became a parent, I regret the fact that I was too proud, too tactless, naive and down right mean.

These are some of the things I pondered on while listening to the priest's sermon (Ha Ha! A great loads of flashbacks of memories just because of one sermon, eh?).

If there's one thing we could pass on to our children, its not only education, not only our earthly possessions and material wealth but we could also pass on to them the good values , and how to have a positive outlook in life and the right attitude that would eventually make them a better person in the future. Hopefully, they too, can pass it on to their own children someday.

Kabutihan. . . Magandang asal. . . Those were the exact words the priest told us. We not need to complicate it because in its simplest form, we are asked to do the just good not only to our fellowmen but most importantly to our families. After all, it is our family that should be there for us and no one else. Apart from our office mates, our clients, our colleagues and our friends, of course, we should be able to show more goodness or kindness to our own family first than to other people.

'Di ba, it would be much better when we hang out with bunso sometimes? Or go shopping with ate? Or help kuya with his chores? Or go to the market with mom? Or bring dad a nice cup of coffee at work?

I know some people are afraid to be rejected when they make an effort to please their parents, that is why I am proposing this kind of "Pamana Project" to our kids and for the next generation as well.

Let us all go forth and have the joint effort to spread the good deeds out there and become better parents to our children. STOP! Being "praning". STOP! Being pessimistic. STOP! Humiliating your kids in public. STOP! Talking bad stuff about your kids and telling it to your other relatives. That's just wrong. STOP! Whining.

Instead, START being supportive, START having a positive outlook in life. START giving your kids a break every once in a while. START to smile a little more or laugh your lungs out. Breathe . . . relax . . . they're not going to be kids forever right? :-)

Mom, this is for you.

Expiration Date

2010-01-12T01:24:00.000-08:00

The cry of my youngest son woke me up early today at five. After a while, my eldest woke up too and sooner after that, my husband got up as well. First I thought that it was going to be gloomy day because the sun hasn’t shown up yet (I love the sun. Whenever it’s a sunny morning, I feel more relaxed, and at peace).

To start the day right, I arranged our laundry and made it ready for the yaya to have it all washed. I swept the floors, arranged my kid’s closet and ours too. While my husband was getting ready for work, I prepared breakfast and we all went down the dining area to have breakfast as well.

The typical day for me is always looking after my kids, making sure they have eaten right and have taken their vitamins. After all that was done, that’s the time I reserve for myself. Whether I’m online playing games at face book, or writing another blog. :-)

I wouldn’t say that I am a morning person. I’m a slow riser actually, but it really depends. Whenever my husband and I have gone out the night before and whenever we are at my in-laws’ house, I make sure that I get up on or before six in the morning. I wouldn’t want to get up and find out my in-laws have fed and bathe my kids. Dyahe yun. He he. :-)

This day reminded me of our typical day back when we are at my dad’s house. Oh, how I miss those days. The sun would shine through our backyard, and every morning, the TV would just be turned on, whether it’s a favorite cartoon show my eldest was fond of watching, or it would just be the morning news.

As I was completing my task of arranging my kid’s closet, the discussion on Anthony Taberna’s segment in the morning show was about the petition of a certain women’s group, to have an expiration date not only on the Marriage License of couples but on the Sacrament of Marriage itself. As the costs of an annulment nowadays are soaring, and as other families are on a tight budget, those couples that seemed to be “imprisoned” in their failed marriage would like to be freed from their “unwanted” situation.

The topic they were discussing on TV reminded me of my own marriage. Not that we both didn’t like our shotgun marriage, (Okay, at first, it was really difficult) but as of now, we’re both managing and as for me, I just fell more in love with him.

I met my hubby at a University in Manila. I was a freshman and he was my senior. We dated for a couple of years and when I was in my senior year, I got pregnant. I was four months pregnant when I graduated from college. After graduation, I moved out of my mom’s house, went into my dad’s place, and raised a family there with my husband. Three years went on and you can say that we’re a family of NPA’s (or No Permanent Address) back then. My husband was still pursuing his degree at law, and I would just be at home taking care of all of them. I wanted so badly to get a job when we were just starting, but then, my husband and my mother-in-law made me realize that I should focus on the kids first.

It was not indeed an easy job to be married and stay married. During the early years when my husband and I were just starting, we fought so bad and so often. There were times that I was so mad, I just cried myself into tears. (Well, that’s because we were at my in-laws, and I couldn’t shout my lungs out, so I just cried. But I wanted to scream so hard at him ‘cause I was so mad, but I couldn’t.) Several times, my husband would just stay out and won’t go home maybe because he didn’t want to see or be with me. He had night classes, while he was still at law school. After his classes he would go out with his friends to drink some booze. I couldn’t reach him because his phone is turned off. He would go home at around five in the morning, and I was raging mad, but I couldn’t shout at him. I hated him when he does things to me like that. Much worse is that I couldn’t even tell him how he wronged me, so I just kept silent and kept on frowning (That’s why I couldn’t smile all the time when we were at my in-law’s place).

After a while, we both learned our mistakes and we corrected them. We both made an effort so that our marriage could work. So every time we argue, we talk about it and reason with each other so that we could clear some things up. (My husband just hates it when I make sermons and eventually turns into nagging. And he also hates it when I’m being praning and paranoid. I hate it when he is “lawyering ” [Lawyering, an action done by a lawyer to make palusot. In Filipino, “inaabugado” Ha ha!] his way through just to get out of a situation.)

Given our cat and dog fights, I still appreciate him for who he is, for what he has accomplished for our family’s future, for how he makes an effort to help around the house and in taking care of the kids, and for how he loves me and our kids. I’ve changed a lot too because of him and I guess that’s okay because if it is for the better then, why not? Before, I used to be so miserable and negative (like my mom). But as time goes by, I notice myself that I laugh a lot more, I smile a lot nowadays, and I keep on hoping for the best in anything, which is good. I mean, I became happy. The point here my friends is, if you really, and I mean, really want your relationship to work, you’d make it work. At the end, you still have a choice. At the end if you chose to be alone, miserable and full of negativity in life, then it’s up to you. If you want to be fulfilled and have peace of mind, then do it! Make it happen! Hey, it’s only happiness, right? ;-)

A Promising Pamana (Part 1)

2010-01-11T01:40:00.000-08:00

A priest once mentioned in his sermon that education is not the very promising pamana parents can leave their children. In contrast with the usual Filipino family philosophy, I could say that several people listening to the sermon were alarmed. From the very time being, we were taught that education is the primary key if we want to achieve success in life. Sadly, some use it as a tool to get ahead of others and eventually gaining just their own personal interest.

Going back to the priest’s sermon, he then continued with his example based on his experience with a family of professionals. The father was a judge, two of the sons are lawyers, one is an engineer, and one is a doctor. The father got ill and eventually passed away, and the time came to leave to his sons his wealth and possessions. Unhappy with the outcome of their father’s will, the four brothers fought over their inheritance and even brought it up to the courts.

As the priest shares this story to us, I was eagerly waiting, what could it be the most promising pamana parents can leave their children? Just then, the priest tells us that the most important thing parents can pass on to their children is not just a brilliant mind, but a kind heart as well. Not education, according to the priest, but the morally good values that we need in order to live a loving and simple life.

At first I thought, hindi ba tinuturo sa school yun? At hindi ba tinuturo din yun ng mga magulang natin sa atin? So what’s so special about a priest discussing moral values in life? Isn’t that their job? Their “calling”?

Now that I am a parent myself, I’ve realized the importance of what the priest was saying in his sermon back then.

As an only child, I know how it was to be lonely and confused at times. When my parents were arguing, no one was able to explain to me what was going on, or how to react on that certain situation, or what should I do and what should be my role in that kind of scenario. At the end, I was apathetic and depressed.

I was brought up to be a silent observer and later on, when all the arguing was over, it seemed that we let the issues die too without even discussing or talking about it. When my parents were still together, it seemed that they didn’t really know what they were doing. My dad is the typical father: always passive about things, because it seemed that he hated the idea of confrontation and he hated arguing with my mom. My mom is also the typical type: pakialamera, usisera, bungangera. Ha ha! Okay, that was mean, but it’s the ugly truth. During my childhood, I have never heard my parents praise me or each other for that matter. Not that I want praising, but at times, it wouldn’t hurt to hear some words of encouragement or appreciation once in a while. Words of endearment were not mentioned at home. Everything was all criticisms and negative comments, negative remarks, irrational philosophies, and a lot of discouragement. Just imagine what was left of my self-esteem back then. No wonder I couldn’t walk straight with my head held up high. How I wish Dr. Spock had already written his book back then, or if he did, how I wish my parents had grabbed a copy.

A Horrible Halloween

2010-01-10T00:46:00.000-08:00

(This is the second article I wrote last year when I was doing a little writing exercise. Ha ha! The year just started and I'm writing about my Halloween experience... :-p)

Compared to all the colorful, exciting and fun Halloween events my kids have experienced, my own Halloween experience was a bit more traumatic. I guess back in my time, parents were the usual control-freak creatures that will make you wear what they want, mainly because “they” think “you” look good in it.

My mother is a perfect example of such a creature, much worse than Bree Van De Kamp and the other middle-aged, control-freak, women you see in Desperate Housewives. She and my Lola (the sister of her real mother, not my grandmother) asked me what I wanted to be for Halloween (ok, so they asked, big deal!) so I said, I wanted to be a witch. As a kid, I didn’t think of the horrible looking witch like in the cartoon Snow White. I wanted to be a little more like Sabrina – the teenage witch. To my horror, my, oh so ever control-freak Lola (we call her Tita by the way, because she doesn’t want to be called Lola, but technically she already is a Lola because she’s the sister of my real grandmother – my grandfather remarried, hence, the word real was used), put her very ugly, teased, curly wig on me and put make-up on my face to make it look like I have wrinkles! Uuugghhh! The horror…. When I looked at the mirror, I didn’t want to get out of the house! I didn’t even want to go trick or treating anymore! That was so horrible, I never have forgotten it up to this day.

Moral lesson? Kids only have a way of seeing things differently. They wouldn’t care what a real witch would look like, or what a real Ninja warrior really does, or how Frankenstein still managed to walk around after all those stitches! They wouldn’t care! All of that, to them, it’s all fantasy, all pretend play, and that’s what’s important – for us parents to nurture those thoughts of pretend and fantasy play so that it will inspire their creative thinking and make their minds more happy and useful as they grow up.

Parents and grandparents as well, must be up to date with their kids, even if in terms of what games they like, what music they listen to, and most especially, parents must learn to adapt to modern times even with their philosophies. Nowadays, there is no more black and white. There are already gray areas and every situation is different. I am not saying that you turn your backs away from the good values your parents have instilled to you as a kid. If it’s a good one, by all means, spread it around, not only to your kids but to all the people you know. But if you think that you’re outdated, or that philosophy doesn’t apply anymore, change it! Change it for the better. Get to know your kids more, have fun with them, love them, nurture them, and make them live their lives like everyday is a happy ending.

Candies, costumes and carved pumpkins

2010-01-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

(I wrote this article last November 2009, as I have stumbled upon a website wherein they offer free writing exercises. The suggested topic at the site back then was to write anything about Halloween.)

“Trick or Treat… (in a soft voice)” – my kid said, as we go around the lobby of the Hotel where we’re staying at, celebrating Dia De los Muertos with the other children. He came in as a Ninja warrior, oh so ever excited, to go inside the area where the activities for the Halloween party were starting. The lady in-charge of the tickets, dressed as Cleopatra, handed him his pumpkin pail. My kid grabbed it and ran all the way down the hall to join the other kids dancing in the tune of “Nobody, nobody but you…”. It was a very pleasant sight – your little one enjoys his brief moment in becoming a Ninja warrior, not knowing what a Ninja warrior really does. His little brother came in as little Frankenstein. Yes, my youngest was an adorable little Frankenstein and everybody adored him as well. While Kuya was busy dancing and playing games, my youngest fell asleep in a chair, (poor baby) and little he knew what was going on around him.

Laughter was heard from all around, parents keep on calling their kid’s name, to look at the camera for that one perfect picture, and everybody was having a great time. The scenery of the place was as good as the event. At the side of the room, you can see through the glass window a nice view of the artistic landscape that the hotel had. The nice, sunny afternoon made the event much more brilliant and enjoyable.

"Wanderer"... Hmmm?

2010-01-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

As I am as excited in writing my first blog, I noticed that I entitled it "Scribbles of a Wanderer"...

Two things, deep or corny. Ha ha! Anyway, why in the world did I name it like that? Wanderer? What comes into mind when we speak of a "Wanderer"? Someone who is lost, astray, or someone who is at an acrobatic show. ;-) Well, I sure am not lost, or astray.. and I'm positive I do not know anyone in the acrobatic business.

As a matter of fact, I am happy in my life. I'm happy I have a nice family. I'm happy with my love life, and that's it. I'm happy.

I know lots of people out there, who are struggling very hard to find happiness, but me, I guess luck (or it can even be a blessing, or it can also be how you perceive things in your own life) just found me at the right time, at the right place and at the right moment. ;-)

What else can I possibly want for? Well, I could use some clothes... ;-) Having kids can change your wardrobe very rapidly ;-)

Seriously, what else could I possibly do if I am happy and contended?

When we were kids, we are asked by many on how we perceive ourselves when we grow up, or what we would like to be when we're all grown up?

When I was a kid, I couldn't even answer that question. I remember writing in my paper that I wanted to be a model! Ha ha, that's hilarious! But then my pre-school teacher frowned, and I just ended up writing that I wanted to be a secretary so as to finish the assigned work. And when I told my mom about me being a model, she immediately shut the idea, and killed my spirit. Okay, that was mean, but that's how I really felt alright?

I don't know, I just really don't know what I wanted to be. When I went home that morning and asked my mom, she suggested that I'd be a flight attendant.When I asked my dad, all he said was that I didn't have to worry too much about that because I still have a long time ahead to think about it.

Now that I have my own family, I'm still stunned by the idea. Does that mean that I don't have a dream, an aspiration or even an ambition on what I want to be for the rest of my life? And if I don't, would that make me abnormal? Can't I just enjoy what's happening in my life now? If I choose to enjoy my life and not think ahead, would there be consequences?

That simple question dawned on me several years back when I was applying for a job as a pre-school teacher at our hometown. My husband was studying at law school and I wanted to help with our finances so I was looking for a job near home.

My husband and I came across this little kid's place, and so when I applied there, there was this questionnaire wherein they'd test your personality by giving a phrase, and you'd have to complete it by finishing the phrase with the first thing that comes into your mind. Believe me, it was pretty traumatic for me. Some of the questions there were; I always complain about ___________, or I've always dreamt of ________ as a child, or My mom once told me___________, or My dad taught me how to _________ , and so on, and so forth....

Horrible, it was horrible I tell you! It goes on, and seemed that it won't end! I don't know, but to me it was sickening. It's either that or I just didn't know myself very well at that time. Okay, maybe the last remark is more appropriate. I don't know, but it was VERY disturbing to me.

And then, that question; "When I was a kid, I always wanted to be _________. "

And after that, I got stuck with the questionnaire. Time passed, and I wasn't able to finish it.

Well, I have an ambition; 1. To fall in love; 2. To be filthy rich

When I was a little girl, I would always imagine that some amazing guy would kiss me and take me away from the wretched place I was in. Ok that was pretty dark, nonetheless, I did fall in love, and now I've just fallen deeper.

I'm still working on No. 2 though but were getting there and right now, I'd have to say that I did okay.

Minsan

2010-01-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

Minsan sa isang buhay ng tao, dumadating ang punto kung saan nanunumbalik ang mga dati niyang karanasan, noong kabataan, noong single-life, at noong magkaroon ng isang makabuluhang pangyayari sa kanyang buhay. Napapatanaw siya sa mga dati niyang nagawa, nasabi, nasaksihan, naging kaibigan, kaaway, ka-kinuman, ka-yosihan, sa luma niyang buhay.

Pero kung tatanungin mo nga, kelan naman naging luma ang isang buhay ng tao? Dahil past tense na ba ito, tama bang sabihin na lumang buhay na ito?

Pagpasensiyahan niyo na... unang blog ko ito at halu-halo pa ang nararamdaman ko sa pagsusulat sa aking blog.

Ayoko sanang maging sobrang pormal, so let's change the mood. Ehehehe... :-)

Bago ako mag-blog, nagtititingin ako ng ibang writing exercises sa internet para mahasa ang aking skills sa writing. Noong una ay natatakot pa ako mag-post, gusto ko, bongga agad ang first piece ko. Gusto ko, maganda at makabuluhan ang puwede kong isulat.

But now, I just want to write what I want and what's in my heart. Maybe this is just an intro to the several blogs I'll be making in the future. Maybe this is my stepping stone to finding out what I really want in life.